Mouldering

Been home for two weeks already, and I've got so little to show for it. What have I done? Seen friends, which has been lovely. Played flute, but too capriciously for it to do any proper good, abandoning long tones after one octave to gallop through Carmen Fantaisie and Flight of the Bumblebee. Submitted my Russian passport for renewal - but not yet sent off the letter in response to their refusal to renew it, because they are cruel and like to ignore evidence such as internal passports. I've tuned the guzheng, QQed in Chinese into the night, memorized songs, and read a few books. Had a lot of pearl milk tea. Slept. Lots.

But now what? I'm not really out enjoying fragrant, sunny, blooming California. China's left me sickly, worn out, with the laziest brain ever, curled up under the kitchen counter with a cup of mint tea and a laptop. I see a page of characters and my gut reaction is, "Do I haaaave to?" That's how I dealt with China: there was so much I DID have to, I could filter out the unnecessary bits, yet I still got constant practice because life, hello. You need to read and listen and speak and even write. Need to argue and get the tones right and process quickly.
And here it's all optional, yet I'm still in the China mindset, and it's not productive any more.

Still grabbing onto bits of the past too. England. Past relationships. China. High school. Need to stop all that nonsense and just read some Chinese already; non-productive thoughts are clogging my mind right now.